Without even immersing yourself in Social media, CNN, FOX or any news outlets you are still witnessing a devastating abuse of power in the case of Sandra Bland.
Sandra Bland is me, my sister, our girlfriends, mother's, aunt's and cousins.
And all Sandra Bland did was not properly signal, get stopped for it and "sass" Officer Brian Encinia.
Personally, anyone I know, with the weight of their life and their day, the rush to their destination and the anxiety of being stopped by the police; ANY OF US could've been Sandra Bland. And for all of those who do not THINK for one minute that these are unique circumstances, think again. Because unless you live under a rock, buried in a deep ravine, the abuse of power in this country is everywhere. People's lives are unjustly "plucked" from this planet with disregard to life's value in what seems like everyday by those sworn to protect us. When will that stop?
There's no overt conspiracy against police, no police hate here. But what the hell is happening?
After stopping Sandra Bland, everything else the police officer did was 1000% wrong. None of Sandra Bland's "offensive demeanor" or "black woman attitude" warranted her forced exit from her vehicle. Within that traffic stop, Sandra Bland's rights as an American Citizen, as a woman and as a human were violated.
And to add another insult to her unnecessary death, the transparent cover-up currently in progress is crazy to watch. Where's the accountability? Where's the: "I messed up." "We messed up." "We were wrong." Nope. None of that. Instead, there's this calculated plot to cover up an avalanche of wrongs. What is right with any of this?
There are actual "justifications" being thrown around.
How dare Sandra Bland not respect him? How dare Sandra Bland get sassy with that officer! He's got a badge!
How dare Sandra Bland have ever wanted to die in her past!
How dare Sandra Bland ever get depressed in her past!
How dare Sandra Bland have weed in her system!
How dare Sandra Bland be a woman!
How dare Sandra Bland be a *gasp* black woman!
How dare Sandra Bland drive a car!
How dare Sandra Bland live!
How dare Sandra Bland die in police custody?
How dare she!
My heart bleeds for Sandra Bland, her family and the senselessness of Sandra Bland's death. And the insulting of our intelligence within the "investigation" we're witnessing. It's heartbreaking.
Sandra Bland is all of us. Sandra Bland does not deserve to be forgotten or swept under the rug. Sandra Bland deserves justice. Bottom line.
#AllLivesMatter. I just hope that police officers, state government, federal government and all of the rest of us remember that.
#sayhername #SandraBland #justice
Happy Mother's Day Ladies!
This is the first Mother's Day that I let my son go for the weekend. A "piece of peace" so I can pamper myself, shop and sleep on Mother's Day. I miss him but it's a sweet deal to be off duty for a day. I'll see him later this evening.
I wouldn't have been able to do that years ago. But as my son and I get older, I've realized that there is a point in a single mother's life when she realizes that she must let go.
Let her child go off into the world, make their own way and 'be a man', just like you've taught him.
And when the dust clears and it's just you standing... That's a whole other journey to begin... And it's nothing like it was before baby. You have more wisdom, you have battle scars. The tough skin needed as a single mother, that body armor, isn't needed as much. There's no precious cargo to protect.
Then hopefully by then, you've let go of all of the pain, let go of all of the past. Let go of all of the shame.
Why? Because it's just you now, and there's no kid to hide behind. There's no more package deal. Your child is not stuck to your hip all of the time. Now you stand alone. And if you're like me, single for what feels like forever, you're vulnerable and feeling awkward.
My son is asking me, "Mom, when will you have a someone for yourself?" This isn't new. He's been asking for years. He never wanted his mother to be alone. But I've martyred myself because I was afraid. Afraid of loving and not being loved. Afraid of opening myself again. Afraid of failing again. I can go on and on, the list is endless.
We always tell our children 'always do your best no matter how hard it is' and 'you never know if you don't try'. And I have fallen short of both in my dating life. Depriving myself of love, feigning nobility as a dutiful mother as an excuse to push prospects away. What a Crock of doo-doo. Who was I really fooling?
So I've decided I'm using my Mother's Day to reflect on my independence, examine my heart and prepare for that next phase in my life where my son doesn't need me as much anymore. That doesn't mean that I'll be jumping into the deep end. But I won't be afraid of the water.
Enjoy your day, ladies. I will.
But I love my life, everything it brings and what I bring to others too much not to fight to live. Everyday. Some people don't have that scope of sight. The pit of despair is too deep.
If you need to talk to someone: Please call someone that can help, click this link.
Did I really believe my own hype?
In the past 3 years, I've dated the older man (10 years older) and the younger man (almost 10 years younger). The general consensus is that both men wanted a wife, visualized me in that role and we mutually genuinely enjoyed each other's company. Problem was, both men thought they were ready. When I called them on it, they weren't ready for the responsibility of a single mother + one.
At my age, mid 30's, most men have had relationships with many different types of women and now trying to settle down with the 'right one'. Thing is, at their age, many of the women have been married-now-divorced mothers and some are single never-been-married mothers. If they didn't realize their choices of single childless women were 'limited', they realize it then. That's why some men reach back into the pool and date the young girls because it's a notion that they're fighting. "I want to get married to a girl with no kids and start a family." Well, there's a lot of ready-made families aka single mothers in this day and age, so good luck with that.
To keep up, you have to have a running start. Jump in there, dive in head first and be that lover, support partner and father figure. As much a man thinks he can handle the responsibility, many just can't hang. That's why the turnover rate for men dating some single mothers is so unstable. Single mother don't want to parade different men around their kids so they elect to stay single. The beginning of mommy martyrdom.
It takes some internal conflicts that come into play with single mothers. Discipline? He didn't sign up to discipline someone else's kid, deal with baby daddy drama. He just wanted a single woman, with minimal baggage that would be his wife. If the relationship progressed, then maybe he'd have kids. There are single women with no kids that have a ridiculous amount of baggage. Mental and emotional issues is one thing. But one of the first things you should know, single mothers don't refer to their kids as baggage. We are a package deal. Take us all or don't even try.
Single mothers guard their hearts because they have to. They're used to the flaky nature that some men that think they're ready to date a single mother and get in over their heads. They also have to protect their kids' little hearts. When we're in relationships, the kids are also 'all in'.
I've heard men actually say, "My ex was a single mother, but she didn't have her kids all of the time." Did that mean that my kid was in the way of you loving me? Am I being penalized for having my child all of the time? Should a single mother should ship her kids off every time you wanted to go out? I agree that couples need alone time to get to know each other on other levels but sometimes it's not as often as he would like. So what do you do? ADJUST.
Maybe it's coffee and lunch dates while the kids are in school. Extra effort and work has to be done to make it work. But it can be done. There are several questions he needs to ask himself when pursuing a single mother...
Perhaps he can ask her schedule. Upon examination, Where's her downtime? That way, you can realistically gauge how would you fit into her life. How are her views on discipline? What does she want from you? If she says she just wants to have her career and be a wife an mother, what part would you play? If you are self-aware and communicate your true feelings and listen to her needs, it's not even a barrier. It flows naturally.
Loving a woman isn't hard. Loving a woman with kids isn't hard. It's like a game of jump rope. Actually double dutch. Don't be intimidated. Just wait for the right time to jump in, go with the rhythm of the game and enjoy. I believe that there are good men out there. I believe that men can be ready for the responsibility of stepfather, it's up to us single mothers to let him transition smoothly.
So, men, don't believe the hype, dating a single mother can be rewarding. And ladies, there are men that will date and treat a single mother with the love and respect she deserves. I strongly believe that.