Mother's Day & The Power Of Letting Go

Happy Mother's Day Ladies!

This is the first Mother's Day that I let my son go for the weekend. A "piece of peace" so I can pamper myself, shop and sleep on Mother's Day. I miss him but it's a sweet deal to be off duty for a day. I'll see him later this evening.

I wouldn't have been able to do that years ago. But as my son and I get older, I've realized that there is a point in a single mother's life when she realizes that she must let go.

Let her child go off into the world, make their own way and 'be a man', just like you've taught him.

And when the dust clears and it's just you standing... That's a whole other journey to begin... And it's nothing like it was before baby. You have more wisdom, you have battle scars. The tough skin needed as a single mother, that body armor, isn't needed as much. There's no precious cargo to protect.

Then hopefully by then, you've let go of all of the pain, let go of all of the past. Let go of all of the shame.

Why? Because it's just you now, and there's no kid to hide behind. There's no more package deal. Your child is not stuck to your hip all of the time. Now you stand alone. And if you're like me, single for what feels like forever, you're vulnerable and feeling awkward.

My son is asking me, "Mom, when will you have a someone for yourself?" This isn't new. He's been asking for years. He never wanted his mother to be alone. But I've martyred myself because I was afraid. Afraid of loving and not being loved. Afraid of opening myself again. Afraid of failing again. I can go on and on, the list is endless.

We always tell our children 'always do your best no matter how hard it is' and 'you never know if you don't try'. And I have fallen short of both in my dating life. Depriving myself of love, feigning nobility as a dutiful mother as an excuse to push prospects away. What a Crock of doo-doo. Who was I really fooling?

So I've decided I'm using my Mother's Day to reflect on my independence, examine my heart and prepare for that next phase in my life where my son doesn't need me as much anymore. That doesn't mean that I'll be jumping into the deep end. But I won't be afraid of the water.

Enjoy your day, ladies. I will.

Dating a mogul

I consider myself to be a powerful woman. Even after my ex left, I went to work the next day. Picked up my son from school, cooked dinner, business as usual. I can't afford to stop because he couldn't hang.

Hate to sound cruel but I believe that the cruise must go on no matter who doesn't make the boat. My son depends on me, no matter what. I must make money, no matter what.

I noticed in my new dating escapades, that some men find it intimidating that I am a strong-willed businesswoman. I'm not just a single mother dating(which already makes it hard) but I am also a powerful woman dating.

My brother told me that I appear cold, too reserved. He told me that I probably scare them away with my constraints and hectic schedule. So when I have relationships, it seems that I neglect their needs because it's hard to fit that man into my schedule.

What do you do when you seem too big for that man?

I don't want a man to feel useless around me. When I'm in a relationship, I try my hardest to address the needs of that relationship. Sometimes men don't want to commit to a woman that seems too busy. I have my own business and I have my own family, I will try my hardest to fit love into the equation.

Even though love is what I want, that part of my life is on hold until I can find a man that will understand all of my needs.

Go to Miss Birdie's Books.com

Lessons I'm learning...

1. I can't settle anymore. 

I was in a relationship for eight years that deteriorated so much that I was just holding on to nothing. I was sharing him with the world. Every woman in New York had access to him. I was left at home alone with a baby.

2. Broaden my horizons. 

I started seeing someone that I had a past with. First let me say, I am all for rekindling romance when its right. But sometimes when time goes by, you may find that you have nothing in common anymore.

3. Don't push it.

You can't force anything to work. If it doesn't fit, It just won't fit. I should have left my son's father earlier, but I thought (at the time) that it could work. I don't know what I was thinking.

4.  Don't be afraid to be alone.

As a newly single mother, I find myself being lonely. When the house is quiet, I can't help but wonder if this is it. But I refuse to bring myself to where I was with my ex. Crying all of the time, wondering who he is with. Paranoia. All of that stress vs. being alone. I now choose the latter.

5. DON'T SETTLE.  I can't say it enough. Don't do it. I have children now and the choices that I make are not just about me. I gotta be smart about this.

Go to Miss Birdie's Books.com