Happy Valentine's Day y'all!
Somewhere, there's the single people, lamenting loneliness and lost love and sitting in great company as the "Friendzone" Crew.
I've been on both ends. In the past, I've been the Friend that likes someone that likes someone else, wondering what the hell he sees in her beyond physical attraction and although I've "went for it into shooting my shot" as he complains that the girl of his dreams doesn't see him as anything other than a friend.
I've also been that woman that hears the confession "I've always liked you but I didn't think you'd like me." I'm like, "C'mon, Man!" Him being either 1) someone that I wouldn't be with in a million years anyway or 2) After the women have used and abused them and here they are coming with their tail between their legs. Friendzoned men deal with the same thing, I know.
For the record, it takes a certain man to attract me. There has to be inner work done where he's not just like, "I'm one of the good guys, here I am." No, someone that has the qualities that I've cultivated in myself and I seek the same in any partner that meets the standard. Sounds unrealistic? No worries, I'm not for you.
So what work has to be done for friendzoners and friendzonees to be on the same page?
On the surface level, it's easier to like someone that you know doesn't want you as a defense mechanism from finding a love that is truly worthy of you and that person is worthy of. Subconscious philosophies like, "Why try?" or "I don't want to get hurt again." I'm not saying to settle. I'm saying to real with yourself.
What does the 'girl/guy of your dreams' have that you really want? Do you know what type of person that she/he wants? Are you the type of that would be happy being that person that meets their 'criteria'? Does what you think that you can offer coincide with what he or she needs? Did you do your homework on them? Is what they've told you sound consistent with their results?
Sometimes, the 'friendzoner' isn't a real person to you. They're just someone on a pedestal to be admired, a connection never to be achieved, an idea of an ideal. Sometimes it's a person that doesn't see their value yet and you may want that person to see how great they are and how great you two can be together. But if they're a confused glutton for punishment, it's a protection that you're not mixed up in their madness. Maybe deep down, you know that. Because if you two aren't on the same page, you'll both just be settling.
Getting past the entry level on loving someone goes more into just attracting that person. Be the type of person that you want to be, set realistic goals for love and if that combination is a winning connection, nothing can stop a true love from happening.
I truly hope that attracting the person you want comes after your internal work being done that now the natural progression is the upgrade from single to couple. But if you want someone because you're lonely, even you aren't there yet. Love yourself, love who you are, (sans a counterpart) and you won't be invisible anymore. Open your eyes, shine bright and don't wait in the shadows for someone to pick you.
Treat yourself good this Valentine's Day and spin that loneliness into loving being alone. Go out enjoy your life and let love catch up to you. When the moment is right, you'll know and that may not be the person who you think it should be in this moment.
