I woke up this morning to a wailing. Like a guttural, from the soul kind of wailing. I was dreaming and in that dream, I heard that wailing and saw Vanessa's face. I opened my eyes and sat up quickly. A woman that just lost her husband and daughter in one fell swoop, having transitioned, not to be seen on earth and now relegated to dreams and memories.
It's everyone's worst fear. Loss. Vanessa Bryant lost her husband and her daughter. The Altobelli's lost their parents and sister. The Chesters lost their mother and daughter. A coach and a pilot lost their lives. Fans, friends and families lost people that had become a part of their life's experience in one way or another.
Yesterday was hard and emotional. I had to log off of social media altogether. Later, I left my home to pick my son up from his father and when we sat down while in transit, he asked me about Kobe. "Did you hear about Kobe, Mom?" "Yes, Baby." He shows me a tribute that he made and saved on his phone. I smiled. "Do you want to talk about it?" He said no and put his head on my shoulder. I kissed his forehead. That was it. I know that he's in his head, processing and when he's ready, he'll talk more about it.
We all deal with loss in different ways. Tears, stoicism, denial, moved to action, avoidance and tributes. The list goes on. There are so many ways to deal with loss, and none of them are 'wrong'. Our sense of loss is different. I felt the loss of a woman who loves her man and child. Everyone's losses are identified in different ways.
It's not like in the past, where we get the shocking information on the 11 o'clock news. Now we get instant news and social media spreads it like a wildfire with speculation, misinformation until the 'official' details gets shared and confirmed. Everyone is worked into a tizzy trying to process information as fast as it comes out. It's so easy to get overwhelmed as we get inundated with what's happening in the moment.
My heart leaps out of my chest whenever my son leaves the house and returns when he's safe in my arms because life has no guarantees. Vanessa now has 2 empty spaces at her table. An empty side to her bed. One empty bed of a baby that she doesn't get to kiss goodnight anymore. A whole entire part of her life is over in a blink of an eye.
Life isn't promised to any of us. Loss reminds all of us that there's no such thing as forever in this earthly existence. It's loss that reminds us how much we want to live. How much we want 'our people' in our lives. This is a time for grace, a time for reflection and a time for appreciation.
The wounds of loss are always fresh and will stay fresh for awhile. It'll be hard to mention sports without a Kobe reference for awhile. Then as life picks up it's momentum, the pain gets less and less. Because life does go on. People need to grieve for as long as they need to. When the pain doesn't go away, it's because there's nothing in it's place. There's the remaining members of family that needs to be acknowledged and loved despite the losses. The remaining players that deserve no comparisons.
When you lose someone, that pain of loss that was previously put away reemerges within the fresh loss and we grieve all over again. It's hard sometimes to put loss into a degree of perspective without creating ripples.
That's why it's so important to grieve and have a safe place to do so. Express primal and soul wrenching grief. True raw emotions. Male emotions and female emotions, adult emotions and child emotions, with no stigmas and no limits. After the tears dry, there's hope, love and appreciation for our own lives, those we love and those who love us. We deserve to live our lives to the best of our abilities. Leave behind lasting and loving legacies as they did. The people that we've lost would want that for us.
