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28.10.08

Horizons

I started seeing someone that I had a past with. I've never been for looking in the past. But when I saw my college sweetheart, everything that we had felt for each other in the past, just continued.

After dating for a few months, I found myself in a situation that I always thought I above. Being an unscrupulous man-stealing whores, I was doing what they do.
I found myself loving a man that belonged to someone else. That's what it was. Period.

I remember what I felt when my ex did it to me.

I knew that what we had couldn't go further. We pushed it beyond where we ever should have. Now I was feeling trapped.  He was pursuing me full-throttle and although I was enjoying being with him, I was so tortured and guilty that it overshadowed my feelings for myself.

I was settling.
One day he mentioned his partner's name in a casual conversation, the blood rushed to my head and I got angry. I was already feeling guilty about it, now I felt bombarded with reminders of my wrongdoing.

So, I went on a diet.
I had to cut THAT MAN out of my diet.  Changed my number, erased his. He was no good for me and I knew that he would not let me go. I loved him and I did not want to leave but I believe in Karma. And I still want to know what I did to get to the place I was in my life.

Lesson learned: going backwards is not an option, I must broaden my horizons.