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17.2.15

Mother's Day & The Power Of Letting Go

Happy Mother's Day Ladies!

This is the first Mother's Day that I let my son go for the weekend. A "piece of peace" so I can pamper myself, shop and sleep on Mother's Day. I miss him but it's a sweet deal to be off duty for a day. I'll see him later this evening.

I wouldn't have been able to do that years ago. But as my son and I get older, I've realized that there is a point in a single mother's life when she realizes that she must let go.

Let her child go off into the world, make their own way and 'be a man', just like you've taught him.

And when the dust clears and it's just you standing... That's a whole other journey to begin... And it's nothing like it was before baby. You have more wisdom, you have battle scars. The tough skin needed as a single mother, that body armor, isn't needed as much. There's no precious cargo to protect.

Then hopefully by then, you've let go of all of the pain, let go of all of the past. Let go of all of the shame.

Why? Because it's just you now, and there's no kid to hide behind. There's no more package deal. Your child is not stuck to your hip all of the time. Now you stand alone. And if you're like me, single for what feels like forever, you're vulnerable and feeling awkward.

My son is asking me, "Mom, when will you have a someone for yourself?" This isn't new. He's been asking for years. He never wanted his mother to be alone. But I've martyred myself because I was afraid. Afraid of loving and not being loved. Afraid of opening myself again. Afraid of failing again. I can go on and on, the list is endless.

We always tell our children 'always do your best no matter how hard it is' and 'you never know if you don't try'. And I have fallen short of both in my dating life. Depriving myself of love, feigning nobility as a dutiful mother as an excuse to push prospects away. What a Crock of doo-doo. Who was I really fooling?

So I've decided I'm using my Mother's Day to reflect on my independence, examine my heart and prepare for that next phase in my life where my son doesn't need me as much anymore. That doesn't mean that I'll be jumping into the deep end. But I won't be afraid of the water.

Enjoy your day, ladies. I will.