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17.2.15

Baggage??


When it comes to approaching a new relationship in regards to my son, I just don't like the term baggage. So, what do you call "baggage" that lives and breathes?
My son was born into a loving and nurturing relationship. Although things are over between his father and I, we still maintain a healthy friendship that has continued only for the best interest of our son. There's no 'hanky-panky' or baby daddy drama. And I'm not bitter about how things ended. It's just me, now starting fresh... With a son.
I know that the term "baggage" comes from what is brought from one relationship into the next relationship... But when it comes to a single women with children, why is it that when men see her coming, some say, "Oh, she has serious baggage." Having children are supposed to be a blessing, a badge of honor, now that there is no man around, some men treat the children as a deterrent. Some men say up front, they don't date women with children.
Perhaps it's the stigma of a single mother that needs rescue. The woman that wants you to be the "daddy" to her children.
I, on the end, do not need a father for my son. He has one.
Then there's the man that thinks that he's better than that woman, he is doing her a favor by dating her, "She has kids, who else is going to want her?" These attitudes, when perpetuated, are dangerous. It teeters on emotional abuse. Then you hear the sob stories of women that let men mistreat their children because they don't want to be alone.
As far as I'm concerned, my son is a VIP. You need a special pass to even come close to him. The VIP section can often be a lonely place, especially when people can't 'get with the program'. but that is fine with me.

I don't want to miss out on my next loving and nurturing relationship because a man isn't up for what they think will be a big challenge (single mom and her offspring), but I also can't control what a man's opinion of what they think a relationship will be like, just based on the fact that my son exists.
A friend of mine, a single man with no children of his own, calls the children of single mothers, "carry on" versus "baggage". I like that better. Me and my son will carry on until it is meant for me to have someone of my own.